Lingua Franca - The Amreeki Angle

Part 2 : AMREEKI SLANG AND DESIS

If you thought we desis were the only ones who had issues with languages, start rejoicing. No offence meant if you are an American reader, but just like you've had your laughs on our English, we find yours amusing likewise. Again, no offence meant.

If you've been in Amreeka long enough, chances are you'd have heard one of the following phrases being used and abused to the hilt.

SOME OF AMREEKA's VERY OWN..

>> "How's it going?" - The default sentence that pops out when someone opens his/her mouth. I answered very sincerely the first time this came my way. Halfway down my reply, the fella had dozed off.

>> "What's up?" - After all that I've been through? Very little. It's just an empty skull up there these days.

>> "If I were you.." - Well, sorry to disappoint. You aren't me, and probably for good. This planet can sustain only one of my kind.

>> "I mean, like, y'know, kind of, like, sort of, y'know,.. and I was, like, Oh my Gawd!! " - OMG indeed!

"Get out of here!" - Intended to convey disbelief. If you have already gotten out of the room by now, you might consider making a re-entry.

"You're good to go." - Really? How good are we talking about here?

Continuing with pure-blood amreekanisms, here goes a ten-pointer. Will add more as I get enlightened. Do let me know if you have some to share as well.

1. Credit History ... a term to deny purchasing power to anyone without 3-6 months of consistent transactions in their bank accounts, apart from a LOT of hideously miscellaneous factors. It is all the more significant in the light of the fact that most things here work on credit, for reasons beyond my comprehension. The kicker is that you almost invariably need a credit card to 'build' your credit history, and you won't get a credit card till you have a good credit history. A vicious circle.

2. Dollar-Fifty ... 1.5 Dollars or 150 cents - took me quite some time to figure this one out. Mistook it for $ 50 the first time I asked for the price of french fries, and went hungry a whole lousy day.

3. Freeways and Exits ... Highways and roads that lead out of it, respectively. Miss one, and you'll know you've lost yourself hopelessly.

4. Yoghurt ... Thick curds - Buttermilk is available here too, but it's a lot more viscous than the ones that are sold in packets back home. These, and other dairy products, have pretty long shelf-lives, unlike in India where kids are forced to 'clear the lot' with an extra glass each night. Incidentally, the fat content on these products is displayed a lot more prominently than the price. Most people who buy these also relish eating supersized burgers and cheese pizzas. Penny wise and pound foolish?

5. Vegetarian ... Could be literally anything. Potato chips with chicken fat, fried items made using beef oil, or veggie sandwiches with a layer of pork in it all fall in this category. Reading the ingredients before purchasing anything edible has become a ritual of sorts. "Vegetarian please, no meat, no beef, no fish, no pork, no shrimp!" is one of the most over-redundant set of words I have had to use in my life.

6. Oriental Flavour ... The closest you can get to being Indian... noodles with oriental flavour, oriental specialities and the kind are one of the safer veggie things to eat here, apart from french fries.

Rejoinder : Turns out some of them contain beef extracts as well. Darn!! Bless Nestle, Maggi and ready-to-eat Masala Dosas.

7. Free Food ... the simplest way to have a high head-count at any event. Haven't missed any of them here so far, needless to say. And before you ask, somebody else is getting my share of weight gain. I am still the skeleton I always was.

8. Football ... Has as little to do with the foot as you can imagine, but the name persists. Am trying to figure out the rules, but looks like Love's equations are going to be a lot easier to comprehend.

9. Graveyard Shifts ... Work-shifts that run from 12 a.m midnight to 8 am in the morning. Been working on those shifts for some time now, and trust me, there sure are better things in life.

10. Bugs ... Monsters, to be precise. If you've read this, you'd know what I am talking about. At the time of writing, my home is to be smoked by pest bombs in less than 2 hours. Comrade RottenDeep Paul tells me if they survived meteor impacts and nuclear bombings, these 'bombs' could do little damage to those pesky creatures. He incidentally calls them brothers, if that interests you.

On a somewhat serious note, I must add there are things here we can learn from, beyond the pizza mania and love for coke. People on the streets are extremely friendly, atleast in small towns like this one. Most people who pass by you would greet you or smile at you in the least. They are as interested in knowing our land and culture, as some of us were about knowing their way of life better. While this might suggest otherwise, fact of the matter is that some of them are extremely good at what they do, even if in relatively smaller numbers. Competent, ethical in work for most part and candid about what they can do and what they can't. This place might have its issues, but that shouldn't mask us from seeing the good side too.

So much for life here. I'd appreciate it if you would leave a word in the comments. If you feel you've gone through enough of this already, my bad! May peace and sanity be on you.

PS. Thanks, Sathya, Shiva and Rajiv for filling in the Amreeki phrases I'd lost out on.