Bring out the champagne (on second thoughts, orange squash should do just fine). The blog's a year old now! Been a year since I landed here, and much like a good lot of folks here who decided against pondering about the greater mysteries in life, I took a moment to retrospect my oh-so-usual life in the year gone by. Some things change, some don't, and a whole lot of stuff still lies in the grey area between the two. Thought a lot, and decided the best way to celebrate the anniversary of the blog was to pile up some more garbage on the occasion. Here goes, yet again. Enjoy the stink.
Disclaimer : Long post. Get some coffee, some popcorn and if within reach, a pillow and a comforter. You'll need them all.
Among the things that have changed over the last one year, for better or worse..
1. I don't look at smokers and dopers as opinionated pestleheaded skunks who'd eventually rot away in an eternal hell full of smoke and puke minus the tobacco, dope and alcohol .... not anymore atleast. Have come to realise they are as human as the rest of us, and that there can be non-smoking non-drinking pestleheads too. Some people tell me I could well be called one, but let's keep that for some other time.
2. I don't consider non-vegetarians as untouchables anymore. I still feel sorry for the poor things that end up in their intestines though.
3. I don't differentiate between the day and the night anymore, be it sleep or academics. Have had the record of having slept for 5 hours amidst 72 hours of consciousness (and just so you know, did some pretty useful work in those hours of sobriety) and of having slept for a good 16 hours nonstop. The sun doesn't respect me anymore for those reasons, and much as I'd like to say likewise, I still end up saying my prayers to the sun every day.
4. People don't know my real name anymore. It's always "Are you the one they call the Bat around this place?", "Oh, you're the chap who they say doesn't know when to shut up?". Trust me when I say I am not making these up. Was almost the same earlier too, but people atleast knew the hapless soul who went by varied names including the Microbe or the Proton at various points in life was also called Balaji as per official records. Balaji who, you ask? My point exactly.
5. I cook. The results are not exactly something I could proudly tell my grandchildren about, but then, I now know what cooking/roasting/seasoning and frying are supposed to mean, and I also know they aren't all the same. Sometime soon, I intend to release a small cookbook of my own, with terms like 'ballasting', 'galvanising', 'vulcanising' and 'sintering' explained from the culinary point of view.
6. I can differentiate between doughnuts and bagels, and while that doesn't help me in any way, I am proud I can tell between the two. Gone are the days when I would go ask for 'that round thing with stuff on/in it' or 'that round thing without stuff on/in it'. Waitamminit! That isn't the difference?
7. Gone are the days when my most powerful shot on the cricketing field would land the ball no further than the short extra cover. I now clear the boundaries atleast once each innings - 'Offside Balaji', 'Singles Balaji' are all part of the past I have managed to erase well. It's a different thing it cost me a pair of glasses in the process, apart from the ignominy of being taken to task by a supposedly harmless leg spinner.
8. Also gone are the days when I let roaches and bugs pass by me without bothering to as much as shoot a glance at them. These days I stop them in their way, look at them hard and close, and let them pass by only after I make sure they know how displeased I am with their actions, especially the ones that involve me. Killing them is too much trouble, inspite of all that I have gone through.
9. I have come to control that itchy feeling of having to honk compulsively while driving. While it is no fun at all, I have sort of gotten used to it. I also miss being able to play around with the gearshift stick while dancing on the pedals. The only good thing is that I can drive on the left side of the road, which incidentally is the right side around this part of the world. Barring a few silly cones that I used for target practice, am yet to bang into someone/something with mentionable consequences.
10. I have come to clean my desk every fortnight, a big change from the half-yearly sessions back in India after each semester exams. If you need help hiding stuff from your own self, I could come and clean your desks for you too. A cuppa coffee is all I ask in return.
Among the things that have continued to hang around within me..
1. Multiple choice questions still drive me crazy. The lesser the options, the greater the confusion. I still believe questions like 'Do you have prior experience working with particle accelerators?' can be answered in more appropriate ways than a simple yes or a no. Have tried leaving half-page long crapstuff explaining my choices in every paper-based exam, but going by my grades, that hasn't helped much.
2. Talking of grades, my academic life continues being on cruise control - never goes up to an 'A', never drops to a 'C'. Like it or crib, B-grade Balaji is here to stay. I do miss being that kid in high school who'd take pride in being one mark below the class topper. One of those 'Once upon a time in history' kinda tales.
3. I continue to remain blissfully ignorant of the world around me when I hit the sack. You could leave me right onstage a rock concert, and I'd still 'rock like a baby'. If only I hit the sack when I ought to...
4. That leads me to Rock... and consequently, to pop and all related genres of music. All, or most of it continues to go whooosh over me. The lyrics take forever to figure out, I can't tell whether the singer/guitarist is high or not just by listening to him play, and being the simple dumb villager that I am, I don't feel like shaking my leg/hand/any other part of my body to the music. I have however come to be a big fan of white noise, for reasons more academic than aesthetic.
5. I am still lousy with numbers - be it academic stuff or financial matters. The only thing that has changed is that I use MatLab for additions and subtractions instead of a simple pocket calculator. In case you don't know what MatLab can do, it's something like using a gun to punch holes in your assignment sheets without trying to get shot in the foot.
6. I still dig my nose in public without even the slighest sense of shame or respect for propriety, and while that isn't exactly the kind of stuff I am supposed to make public, I really don't care. For all I know, neither do you.
7. I still consider the female homo sapiens of my generation as the third most dangerous and feared species on the planet, after dogs and cats. Been tempted more than once to put them all on the same footing, but the dogs and cats here are scarier, by a long margin at that. And before you get me wrong, the respect is there for each of the three, it's just that fear takes precedence.
8. I continue to watch movies in 4-5 sittings. Have seen about half of 'In Pursuit of Happyness', 25 minutes of 'The Godfather', and the first few frames of 'The Prestige'. By the end of the year, assuming all goes fine, I should have been done watching the rest of them.
9. I continue to implement JIT (Just in Time) and SHIT (SomeHow in Time) strategies to perfection - from assignments submissions to hunting for restrooms when in Godforsaken territories. On the other extreme, when I can afford to laze off, I put sloths to shame.
10. My brain just hibernated.. am out of thoughts. Help me fill this one in and win yourself a little surprise gift within 24 hours. By 'surprise gift', I assure you, I don't mean Chinese fortune cookies or lollypops.
(I must add here life in the last one year has been a great learning experience. My first stay away from home - without the 'Amma, Coffee!!', 'Sishter, get my books', the Hoodibaba chases on Pa's bike to catch the college bus, without Grandma's delicacies awaiting me each evening, without Grandpa's wit to help me put back an otherwise lousy day, without cousins to goof around with, without the roadside bonda/chaat shop, without cricket on main roads - has still been goodish. Been having fun managing academics and the life beyond. Made new friends and touched base with lost ones both online and offline, learnt some 'cool' slang in a whole buncha desi languages and English too. Have had some great moments over the last year, and chances are most likely you've been the reason behind some of those. Thanks for everything. Life's one long lesson, and I continue to learn.)
If still awake with nothing better to do, I am sorry this is all I have to offer. Please answer the poll on the top of the blog and doze away or get back to work.
Disclaimer : Long post. Get some coffee, some popcorn and if within reach, a pillow and a comforter. You'll need them all.
Among the things that have changed over the last one year, for better or worse..
1. I don't look at smokers and dopers as opinionated pestleheaded skunks who'd eventually rot away in an eternal hell full of smoke and puke minus the tobacco, dope and alcohol .... not anymore atleast. Have come to realise they are as human as the rest of us, and that there can be non-smoking non-drinking pestleheads too. Some people tell me I could well be called one, but let's keep that for some other time.
2. I don't consider non-vegetarians as untouchables anymore. I still feel sorry for the poor things that end up in their intestines though.
3. I don't differentiate between the day and the night anymore, be it sleep or academics. Have had the record of having slept for 5 hours amidst 72 hours of consciousness (and just so you know, did some pretty useful work in those hours of sobriety) and of having slept for a good 16 hours nonstop. The sun doesn't respect me anymore for those reasons, and much as I'd like to say likewise, I still end up saying my prayers to the sun every day.
4. People don't know my real name anymore. It's always "Are you the one they call the Bat around this place?", "Oh, you're the chap who they say doesn't know when to shut up?". Trust me when I say I am not making these up. Was almost the same earlier too, but people atleast knew the hapless soul who went by varied names including the Microbe or the Proton at various points in life was also called Balaji as per official records. Balaji who, you ask? My point exactly.
5. I cook. The results are not exactly something I could proudly tell my grandchildren about, but then, I now know what cooking/roasting/seasoning and frying are supposed to mean, and I also know they aren't all the same. Sometime soon, I intend to release a small cookbook of my own, with terms like 'ballasting', 'galvanising', 'vulcanising' and 'sintering' explained from the culinary point of view.
6. I can differentiate between doughnuts and bagels, and while that doesn't help me in any way, I am proud I can tell between the two. Gone are the days when I would go ask for 'that round thing with stuff on/in it' or 'that round thing without stuff on/in it'. Waitamminit! That isn't the difference?
7. Gone are the days when my most powerful shot on the cricketing field would land the ball no further than the short extra cover. I now clear the boundaries atleast once each innings - 'Offside Balaji', 'Singles Balaji' are all part of the past I have managed to erase well. It's a different thing it cost me a pair of glasses in the process, apart from the ignominy of being taken to task by a supposedly harmless leg spinner.
8. Also gone are the days when I let roaches and bugs pass by me without bothering to as much as shoot a glance at them. These days I stop them in their way, look at them hard and close, and let them pass by only after I make sure they know how displeased I am with their actions, especially the ones that involve me. Killing them is too much trouble, inspite of all that I have gone through.
9. I have come to control that itchy feeling of having to honk compulsively while driving. While it is no fun at all, I have sort of gotten used to it. I also miss being able to play around with the gearshift stick while dancing on the pedals. The only good thing is that I can drive on the left side of the road, which incidentally is the right side around this part of the world. Barring a few silly cones that I used for target practice, am yet to bang into someone/something with mentionable consequences.
10. I have come to clean my desk every fortnight, a big change from the half-yearly sessions back in India after each semester exams. If you need help hiding stuff from your own self, I could come and clean your desks for you too. A cuppa coffee is all I ask in return.
Among the things that have continued to hang around within me..
1. Multiple choice questions still drive me crazy. The lesser the options, the greater the confusion. I still believe questions like 'Do you have prior experience working with particle accelerators?' can be answered in more appropriate ways than a simple yes or a no. Have tried leaving half-page long crapstuff explaining my choices in every paper-based exam, but going by my grades, that hasn't helped much.
2. Talking of grades, my academic life continues being on cruise control - never goes up to an 'A', never drops to a 'C'. Like it or crib, B-grade Balaji is here to stay. I do miss being that kid in high school who'd take pride in being one mark below the class topper. One of those 'Once upon a time in history' kinda tales.
3. I continue to remain blissfully ignorant of the world around me when I hit the sack. You could leave me right onstage a rock concert, and I'd still 'rock like a baby'. If only I hit the sack when I ought to...
4. That leads me to Rock... and consequently, to pop and all related genres of music. All, or most of it continues to go whooosh over me. The lyrics take forever to figure out, I can't tell whether the singer/guitarist is high or not just by listening to him play, and being the simple dumb villager that I am, I don't feel like shaking my leg/hand/any other part of my body to the music. I have however come to be a big fan of white noise, for reasons more academic than aesthetic.
5. I am still lousy with numbers - be it academic stuff or financial matters. The only thing that has changed is that I use MatLab for additions and subtractions instead of a simple pocket calculator. In case you don't know what MatLab can do, it's something like using a gun to punch holes in your assignment sheets without trying to get shot in the foot.
6. I still dig my nose in public without even the slighest sense of shame or respect for propriety, and while that isn't exactly the kind of stuff I am supposed to make public, I really don't care. For all I know, neither do you.
7. I still consider the female homo sapiens of my generation as the third most dangerous and feared species on the planet, after dogs and cats. Been tempted more than once to put them all on the same footing, but the dogs and cats here are scarier, by a long margin at that. And before you get me wrong, the respect is there for each of the three, it's just that fear takes precedence.
8. I continue to watch movies in 4-5 sittings. Have seen about half of 'In Pursuit of Happyness', 25 minutes of 'The Godfather', and the first few frames of 'The Prestige'. By the end of the year, assuming all goes fine, I should have been done watching the rest of them.
9. I continue to implement JIT (Just in Time) and SHIT (SomeHow in Time) strategies to perfection - from assignments submissions to hunting for restrooms when in Godforsaken territories. On the other extreme, when I can afford to laze off, I put sloths to shame.
10. My brain just hibernated.. am out of thoughts. Help me fill this one in and win yourself a little surprise gift within 24 hours. By 'surprise gift', I assure you, I don't mean Chinese fortune cookies or lollypops.
(I must add here life in the last one year has been a great learning experience. My first stay away from home - without the 'Amma, Coffee!!', 'Sishter, get my books', the Hoodibaba chases on Pa's bike to catch the college bus, without Grandma's delicacies awaiting me each evening, without Grandpa's wit to help me put back an otherwise lousy day, without cousins to goof around with, without the roadside bonda/chaat shop, without cricket on main roads - has still been goodish. Been having fun managing academics and the life beyond. Made new friends and touched base with lost ones both online and offline, learnt some 'cool' slang in a whole buncha desi languages and English too. Have had some great moments over the last year, and chances are most likely you've been the reason behind some of those. Thanks for everything. Life's one long lesson, and I continue to learn.)
If still awake with nothing better to do, I am sorry this is all I have to offer. Please answer the poll on the top of the blog and doze away or get back to work.
10 comments:
wow wow wow is all i have to say :)
Good One!!! Carry on!!
That's a nice post. You always end up commenting on yourself or your life in a very humorous way. Why don't you write something els for a change. But, my inspiration in blogging is definitely you Sire. I have to work hard not to copy your style.
I still prefer to comment on life in a hard/rough way.
'Life's one long lesson, and I continue to learn'.....awesome line dude!!
I feel you..brother!!! Respect!
You might not know me (actually, may not remember me). Nevertheless, a brilliant post!
The top 3 of the "Things that have changed" .... thought it was me you were talking bout!!
Awesome blog!!!!
u don know me...still i would like to tell u that this is one of the finest blogs i have ever read.all i can say is..brilliant...
i second every comment posted before mine i truly think this is one of the better posts by any blogger, just tempts you to start blogging in spite of being fully aware nobody's ever getting close to this guy on self-humour ....i m sure u know who this is balanna
@Arvind, Rajiv, Vikram, and Preeti:
Thank you :).
@MercurialDude:
I do have my opinions/takes on things beyond me, but never..uh..dared to write on anybody/anything other than me or my life. I intend to, someday, but will save this space for all the garbage I can pile on myself till I run out of steam, or garbage, or both. Appreciate your suggestion :).
@Pramod
Well, I do ;). Thanks.
@Lostworld_me:
Thanks. It's a relief to know I ain't the only one. Certainly took me a while to shake some things off - for better, hopefully.
@Anony1 and Anony2:
Thanks for the generous words, and am glad you went the trouble of letting me get a peek behind the anonymity.
Thanks for dropping by, and my apologies for a delayed reply.
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