Some things I learnt the play-with-fire-get-your-hands-burnt way over the last 3 months of my life.
10. When using a 4-burner stove, keeping raw food on the backburner and lighting the front one will NOT cook the food. Wise men might throw a lot of radiation heat transfer crap at you, but trust me when I say it doesn't work. If you'd rather not be mutilated by roommates waiting for dinner to get ready, do not attempt to try it. It just doesn't work.
9. Not every dish, edible or otherwise, needs a name. You could subject a random mix of vegetables to not-so-careful heat-treatment, throw in a few fluids and amorphous substances of colours and flavours as you please, and still end up with a nameless 'good dish'. If it tastes funny, there are about 100 odd ways to set it right, if not more. To get away with any remote chances of side effects, choose roommates with no known homicidal records.
8. There is NO age limit whatsoever to read comics, or watch cartoons. In fact, some of you 'grown-ups' should read the kind of stuff they come up with these days - some comics'd beat Playboy hands down, and most cartoons have much less beeps with the same #&#%$%$#@ contents.
7. It is perfectly acceptable for people to not have watched any of the 'The Pirates of the Caribbean' , 'Lord of the Rings', 'Matrix', 'Shrek' or even the 'Harry Potter' series, and still be considered humans. I'd bet my grandma's favourite chair you haven't seen every episode of 'Duck Tales', 'Tales Spin' or the 'Justice League'. I bet you'd not have even heard of 'Potli Baba ki'.
6. If you happen to be heavily dependent on glasses for vision, try not to forget where you last kept them before dozing off. The first half-hour each day of my life is spent fiddling around with everything around me, from screwdrivers and can openers to smelly socks, to see if any of them feels like my glasses. And at times when you are dumb enough to get them close to the eyes to see if they 'fit', they do hurt. If you can't recollect the location where you dumped them, calm down, breathe easy, stay put and ask for help. Stepping on your roommates' bellies while you fiddle around is not considered polite anymore.
5. Acoustic-based alarm clocks are pieces of junk. Tried everything from Thé à la menthe to desi rustic abuses for wake-up ringtones. Nothing works, they just lullaby you back to sleep even if you manage to temporarily sober up. Electrocution, strong enough to knock the crap out of you and mild enough not to leave your hair standing, is THE ONLY SOLUTION.
4. If you are told there are 2 ways of doing something - the quick way and the right way, always choose the quick way. The right way never works - no point wasting time and still ending up with the same muck in your face.
3. Do not EVER attempt to take on the weather. The Gods, whether you believe in them or not, are a lot smarter than you can ever be. If they want to, they will get more than a laugh at your expense. Rained pretty bad a couple of weeks ago, and a rain jacket & an umbrella didn't prevent me from getting dripping wet belt-downwards. Had a tough time explaining to my professor it wasn't the coursework or the assignments that got me in that state.
2. One need not be ashamed to depend on a map and a magnetic compass to get to the grocery stores, or for that matter, to anywhere on or around campus, not when it is someone with as bad a sense of directions as mine. As long as it works, it works. Do not confuse this with point #4 - the quick way will only get you lost faster, asking for directions will get you lost farther.
1. Do not attempt multi-tasking when alternatives make more sense. Have been trying, for a good 3 months now, to lock my front door with one hand while I simultaneously tie my shoelaces with the other. The damned door simply doesn't lock.
0.(We invented the zero anyway, didn't we?) There are atleast 14,502,193 better ways of killing time 'productively' than tolerating all this crap. Pick the nearest heavy object around you and smack yourself bang on the head...... there!
(Rejoinder, and I know we didn't invent either the fractions or negative numbers, but had to squeeze this one in, issued more in public interest than anything else)
-0.65. When under the blade at a hair salon, if there is a Karaoke session happening less than 4 ft away from you, resist the temptation to shake your head to the rhythm. Try to decipher the lyrics if it helps - chances are it would be anything but English. Pulling your hair apart doesn't help either - someone's being paid to do it for you anyway. Maintaining a still head is worth the effort.
10. When using a 4-burner stove, keeping raw food on the backburner and lighting the front one will NOT cook the food. Wise men might throw a lot of radiation heat transfer crap at you, but trust me when I say it doesn't work. If you'd rather not be mutilated by roommates waiting for dinner to get ready, do not attempt to try it. It just doesn't work.
9. Not every dish, edible or otherwise, needs a name. You could subject a random mix of vegetables to not-so-careful heat-treatment, throw in a few fluids and amorphous substances of colours and flavours as you please, and still end up with a nameless 'good dish'. If it tastes funny, there are about 100 odd ways to set it right, if not more. To get away with any remote chances of side effects, choose roommates with no known homicidal records.
8. There is NO age limit whatsoever to read comics, or watch cartoons. In fact, some of you 'grown-ups' should read the kind of stuff they come up with these days - some comics'd beat Playboy hands down, and most cartoons have much less beeps with the same #&#%$%$#@ contents.
7. It is perfectly acceptable for people to not have watched any of the 'The Pirates of the Caribbean' , 'Lord of the Rings', 'Matrix', 'Shrek' or even the 'Harry Potter' series, and still be considered humans. I'd bet my grandma's favourite chair you haven't seen every episode of 'Duck Tales', 'Tales Spin' or the 'Justice League'. I bet you'd not have even heard of 'Potli Baba ki'.
6. If you happen to be heavily dependent on glasses for vision, try not to forget where you last kept them before dozing off. The first half-hour each day of my life is spent fiddling around with everything around me, from screwdrivers and can openers to smelly socks, to see if any of them feels like my glasses. And at times when you are dumb enough to get them close to the eyes to see if they 'fit', they do hurt. If you can't recollect the location where you dumped them, calm down, breathe easy, stay put and ask for help. Stepping on your roommates' bellies while you fiddle around is not considered polite anymore.
5. Acoustic-based alarm clocks are pieces of junk. Tried everything from Thé à la menthe to desi rustic abuses for wake-up ringtones. Nothing works, they just lullaby you back to sleep even if you manage to temporarily sober up. Electrocution, strong enough to knock the crap out of you and mild enough not to leave your hair standing, is THE ONLY SOLUTION.
4. If you are told there are 2 ways of doing something - the quick way and the right way, always choose the quick way. The right way never works - no point wasting time and still ending up with the same muck in your face.
3. Do not EVER attempt to take on the weather. The Gods, whether you believe in them or not, are a lot smarter than you can ever be. If they want to, they will get more than a laugh at your expense. Rained pretty bad a couple of weeks ago, and a rain jacket & an umbrella didn't prevent me from getting dripping wet belt-downwards. Had a tough time explaining to my professor it wasn't the coursework or the assignments that got me in that state.
2. One need not be ashamed to depend on a map and a magnetic compass to get to the grocery stores, or for that matter, to anywhere on or around campus, not when it is someone with as bad a sense of directions as mine. As long as it works, it works. Do not confuse this with point #4 - the quick way will only get you lost faster, asking for directions will get you lost farther.
1. Do not attempt multi-tasking when alternatives make more sense. Have been trying, for a good 3 months now, to lock my front door with one hand while I simultaneously tie my shoelaces with the other. The damned door simply doesn't lock.
0.
9 comments:
an interseting read! not as mookai as the others :P
a lot of things seems to have taken toll on you....but in all a good post....!!!!
haha... found it very amusing. I really like your choice of words, and expressively humorous style.. keep writing, Bat!
hahahahaa....hilarious da!!
Yeah, very humourous. No, really it is humourous.
sir, aapke pair kidhar hain?
very nice read :)
hahahaha
:D
I have lost count of the number of time times i read this post :) .
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